There is a general framework for our lives that comes from our values, our resources and the things we are familiar with. But sometimes these things veer off the main roadway, not necessarily into a ditch, it could be just a more scenic but less traveled path. And sometimes these two things look alike, at least in the beginning.
I had a plan. Sorta. As much as you can plan anything with the flawed retirement structure in the US. I was married for 30 years, and the plan was: he retires, we move to Mexico, I build my business from there. Simple.
Then life said, actually, no.
But, I had a choice.
I could sit around waiting for the old plan to resurrect itself somehow. But that wasn’t happening. Or I could admit that maybe I wanted something different anyway.
Lordamercy, that was hard to say out loud.
But here’s what nobody told me: I didn’t need permission to change my mind. I mean, a decision doesn’t have to be evaluated for sensibleness or how far it is from the original idea. I could want one thing for 30 years and then wake up and want something else. And that wasn’t flaky or irresponsible. It was just being human, even if it seems haphazard.
So where’s my ass now? On a small Caribbean island, not Mexico, building this business on my own. Not because I had to. Because I chose to. And that difference? That’s everything.
Moving to a beautiful place didn’t fix anything, by the way. I still have the same questions I had before. I’m still figuring out what I want my days to look like. I still have moments where I wonder if I’m doing this right. But now I’m doing it because I want to, not because I have to. And that makes even the hard parts feel different. More intentional. More mine.
It would have been easy to just stay in my city and try to piece together something as close to my original vision as possible but something told me that that would subject me to so much unhappiness that wouldn’t yield much joy in return, in the long run. And for me, it’s quality of life above all else.
There was no blueprint or roadmap but somehow I got the crazy idea that I could just blaze the damn trail myself. And it wouldn’t be outlandish. It wouldn’t be ridiculous or irresponsible.
It’s just that it seems like it because everybody isn’t doing it. And this is what changed my perspective and gave me the agency I needed.
We’re so used to following the path everyone else is on that anything different feels radical. But it’s not. It’s just different. And different doesn’t mean wrong. It doesn’t mean reckless. It just means you’re choosing based on what you actually want instead of what you think you’re supposed to want. And once you realize that’s an option? Everything opens up.
For a while, I thought I was just reacting. Making the best of a bad situation. But somewhere between the confusion of international shipping my belongings, I realized something: I wasn’t just accepting what happened. I was choosing what came next. And those are two very different things.
It feels different when you can own a decision, even before you know whether or not the outcome is success. It’s still scary because that also means owning the risk of failure. But somewhere within that uncertainty is a feeling of freedom.
This is the freedom I always wanted, but it came at an unexpected time and in unplanned circumstances, but it’s still freedom, and I decided to embrace it.
It doesn’t need to take something as dramatic as divorce or unfavorable country conditions to catapult you into action. It could be as simple as the realization one day that you want something else. No justification required.
The thing nobody tells you is that changing your mind isn’t the hard part. It’s giving yourself permission to admit you want to. Once you do that? Everything else is just logistics.
So if you’re sitting there wanting something different but feeling weird about it, you’re not alone. And you don’t need anyone’s permission. Not even mine. But if it helps, here it is anyway.
You’re allowed to change your mind. About anything. At any time. This is how you live with intention.
This goes back to my 4-Step Framework for Defining Your Soft Life
