Here’s what it looks like to push aside the comments, beliefs and values of other people to create a life of everyday joy.
My previous post was about identifying what you love, what brings you joy in life and making lifestyle choices based on these things. Think about the things YOU value most, starting small with the little things that make life joyful. My list does NOT include expensive clothing, a large home, a fancy car, high heel shoes with the red bottom, or weekly hair and eyelash appointments. Some people love those things, but I know that I don’t. Here’s a recap of my little joys:
- Wind chimes – sound beautiful
- Salty ocean air -energizing yet peaceful
- Pineapples and mangoes – my favorite fruits
- Bright canary yellow – my fav color
- Honeysuckle – my all time favorite scent, plus you can taste the nectar
- Hummingbirds and fireflies – pretty creatures that are amazing
- Large gold hoop earrings – look so cute on me
- Glitter – sparkles add razzle dazzle to my day
- Dancing – frees my spirit
- Long summer days – when it stays light at night in the far north
Now, to develop values and the conditions that make daily joys a reality. The next step towards a life we love and don’t constantly plan to escape, explore how to identify things that we value to ensure that they are included in daily life as much as possible and use this to guide important lifestyle choices.
But first, a little story. I have decided to leave my life in Washington DC and move to Trinidad & Tobago. I’ve never lived abroad so I am super excited and also a little apprehensive. When I get to overthinking my plans my lizard brain (negative thoughts) bust in and cause me to second guess my decision. I’m hearing news about the economic state of this country and how everybody should hang on to their jobs for dear life. We should be fearful about entrepreneurship and the unknown. Every now and then I think I could be out of my damn mind to take such a risk and bet on my own ability to make a living working for myself. I’m terrified of the thought of having to return to the US, broke, with my tail between my legs because I just didn’t make things happen.
But when I slow down and really think the whole thing through, and exclude thoughts of how this might look from the outside in, it makes perfect sense. This move makes experiencing the lifestyle I’ve always wanted accessible. I am so happy that I am able to come back to this because I know the things and experiences I value most and have sought to create a life around them as much as possible. It doesn’t make sense to include things that other people value in my personal choices, no matter how close they are to me.
In my culture, we are taught to value money. Not strictly in a materialistic way, though this is a factor. We are taught that getting money is the end goal. But that thinking is too simplistic and results in spending a lifetime of chasing dollars. To truly build a lifestyle filled with daily joys you have to look past the money and you’ll discover that money buys freedom, which is what we really want.. Remember that–FREEDOM. Freedom from other peoples’ bullshit.
Then I visualize my “perfect” day. Caveat: nothing is perfect, but in this context, it means imagining your day is packed with as many of your favorite things as possible. Actually, visualize three days. A weekday, a weekend day and a day of vacation from work.
Weekday
On a weekday I would love to begin my day early with some sort of movement. Not yoga class. I prefer HIIT. Then tend to my garden. After a nice long shower I’d have a nice breakfast. Sometimes big, sometimes small. Then I would begin my work as a joymonger, helping people live their best damn lives. Some days I would like to meet up with friends for lunch, others I don’t mind eating lunch while I work. I would end work around 3 and make dinner plans to cook or go out, or if I have extra time, spend it at the beach (maybe a picnic dinner). Then come back and sip wine on a nice patio and chat about the day with loved ones.
Weekend
Sleeping in a little and going to brunch. After brunch, the beach for the rest of the day. Shower and cook a nice dinner or go to a nice restaurant.
Vacation
I would love a combination of adventure, culture and relaxation. I enjoy nature, food, music, dancing and people watching. Unlike many, I am not interested in shopping or most museums and tourist attractions. I would like to travel more than once or twice a year. And most importantly, I don’t want to be desperate to get away from my normal life, and when it’s time to come home I don’t want to feel sad or stressed. I want to be happy to get back and sleep in my own bed and see my friends and loved ones.
I recognize that there are some common threads about how I want to live that would dictate how and where I could achieve a lifestyle that allows me to experience these joys. Free time, beaches, good food and chill vibes are my jam. It’s definitely not working 9-5 in an office five days a week and spending a king’s ransom to stay a week per year at a beach. No. I like the idea of being able to swing by the beach after work and have a drink with friends. Or pack a picnic dinner and enjoy the sunset. I don’t like being bound by a clock and I’m not interested in the being seen scene.
When I think about all of these things, packing up and leaving my home of 30+ years in Washington DC doesn’t sound so crazy. Because if I am able to experience the small things that I love, on any ordinary day, I would need to be living somewhere else, doing something else for a living. There’s no beach in DC (but there is a vibrant but expensive waterfront) and even if I downsize significantly, it’s not cheap to live here so I’d be required to work a lot to afford it. But if my choices were limited I could make it work, but I want to try something different.
Living on or very close to a beach seems to be a key to maximizing my happiness right now. I could stay in my area but move closer to the Chesapeake Bay and commute to work, but no. I thought I could move to some less costly coastal area in the deep south on the gulf but I’d absolutely hate everything else about my life except the beach. It’s a definite no go. After all that, figuring out how I could move abroad doesn’t sound crazy at all.
These reasons, along with other desires (to live abroad, slower lifestyle, experience a wonderful culture) make it such that I would be crazy to NOT take advantage of the opportunity to move to Trinidad & Tobago.
I am not advocating for everyone to do this. This is not about comparing with others, but coming up with your own personalized lifestyle based on your values alone (unless you have a family to consider). For some people, leaving the country may not be the best answer. Perhaps changing neighborhoods, cities or states would make more sense. Or, even redesigning some rooms in their home or planting a garden to bring everyday pleasure. The only limit to the possibilities is your own mindset and creativity.
