That old saying that good things come to those who wait has gone too far, when it comes to Black women. We work, work, work, and then what? Do we get a mansion on a hill? No! We just end up old and tired.
We need to face it, things are no better from us postponing our happiness.
We are told that we should go to school and get good grades. Then get a good job, then have a family, then retire, if we live long enough to enjoy it. This framework was developed from a history of roles for Black people and women, resulting in the way we are expected to live.
Back during slavery, puritan ministers used the Bible as a tool to justify slavery and to promise liberation in the next world, while keeping the institution of human bondage secure from rebellion. Religion promised what the whip and the chain could not always achieve, control over the mind. If the enslaved could be made to believe that God commanded their obedience, then they might accept their bondage not just in body but in spirit, indefinitely.
Similarly, Christianity was used to enforce patriarchal norms and justify the subordination of women. Early church leaders blamed Eve for the “original sin” and laid the framework for centuries of hierarchical structures that excluded women from leadership and reinforced the idea that obedience would someday lead to salvation.
These ideas never really disappeared, though in some areas they have been modified, nevertheless, the impact on Western civilization was permanent and survives in some shape or form today. The designation of women’s roles as limited to reproduction, marriage, idealized purity and keeping the home are still widely accepted, despite modern challenges.
Fast forward to today, this history directly and indirectly affects attitudes towards Black women at home and in the workplace. We are expected to serve, sacrifice and struggle indefinitely. We are expected to keep up the “strong Black woman” facade from teenage to old age. But where is the reward for our suffering? I’m not suggesting that we neglect or abandon our children or responsibilities. I am suggesting that those same responsibilities do not need to follow us to our graves. It is ok to let go, or at least loosen our grip on the primary work once others are able to take the lead.
Self-sacrifice is not noble. It’s wasted potential, it’s lost dreams, and it’s empty promises. As long as we go along with this setup, it will prevail. It’s not selfish to pour into ourselves and it’s not outlandish to dream, and then make those dreams come true. It’s honorable to live a good life, and demonstrate to our daughters and nieces that they are worthy of their desires.
Living your best life doesn’t necessarily mean a whole upheaval, but sometimes it may. The best thing about this is that you are the captain and you decide which way and how far to go. Do you even know what your desires really are? It can feel overwhelming or even guilty to let your mind go there. But we owe it to ourselves.
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