Something amazing happens to women in midlife.
Midlife is a vague age group somewhere between roughly 40 to 60, but you know it when you feel it. It’s when a characteristic shift in priorities and lifestyle starts to happen. You start waking up in the morning concerned less and less with what you have to do to please or prove something to someone, whether it’s at home, at work, or to the general public.
You start wearing what feels comfortable to you.
You stop holding your tongue when somebody’s acting a fool.
You feel the strange urge to paint a room in your house a wild color.
You genuinely do not care…
But then,
Many of us reach a limit to this new freedom. You’ve changed some, but you put the brakes on. You loosened up, but you’re still limited by what’s “acceptable” or “realistic.”
Others of us? We keep on choosing ourselves.
It feels so right to wake up most mornings thinking, “What would bring me joy today?” And then, you actually move in that direction, no matter how big or small the desire.
You wear your favorite dress.
You make a fancy charcuterie board for dinner.
You enroll in a university art class.
You book that solo adventure vacation you’ve been eyeing for years.
You retire early, sell your stuff, rent out your house, and move abroad.
You no longer have limits. When you want to do something, you make it happen.
This is LifeBliss. This is a soft life.
LifeBliss is living with intentional, liberated, unbothered, unapologetic Black Joy. It’s the grown-ass woman version of Carefree Black Girl – but with wisdom, resources, and the audacity to claim what’s yours.
LifeBliss is a worldview, a mindset, and a practice of spiritual sensuality and everyday pleasure. It’s about opening to and allowing joy – not struggling to earn the right to feel good. Not waiting for permission. Not apologizing for wanting more.
LifeBliss centers Black women and our lived experiences. It’s rooted in ancient teachings of tantra kriya yoga – mindfulness, sensuality (engaging all your senses), and intention, but stripped of cultural appropriation and adapted for us, by us.
LifeBliss is freedom.
Freedom to spend time doing what you love every day.
Freedom to stop worrying about success or failure.
Freedom to choose joy over status, ease over hustle, pleasure over productivity.
Freedom to live a life that feels like sunshine – warm, bright, and unapologetically YOU.
You’re in your 40s, 50s, or beyond. You’ve already done the hustle. You’ve followed the rules. You’re done proving yourself.
Now, it’s your turn to live.
Not someday. Not after you properly retire.
Not when you have more money or more time or more permission.
Now.
This is your soft era. Your LifeBliss era. Your time to step into abundance and everyday joy.
And it starts with one simple question: What does YOUR soft life look like?
What Does Soft Life Really Mean for Black Women in 2026?
The term “soft life” originated on social media from young Nigerian women influencers who were describing a stress-free life of comfort or, a life that escaped the daily struggles of unreliable public transportation, erratic electricity supply, and the exhausting results of poor governance. It was about striving for ease and peace in the midst of systemic chaos.
As the term spread globally, it evolved and often got co-opted by mainstream culture into something different:
But that’s not what soft life means in the context of LifeBliss, which centers Black women at a certain point in their lives.
With LifeBliss, soft life is an intentional, holistic, peaceful lifestyle that prioritizes:
- Overall happiness and health (not wealth and status)
- Liberation from hustle culture (rest over grind)
- Liberation from society’s -isms (racism, sexism, ageism, sizeism, ableism, etc.)
A soft life is characterized by:
- Normalizing and creating everyday pleasure (not just on vacation or the weekend)
- Increasing self-confidence, self-trust, and self-love (not external validation) to take action
- Living on YOUR terms (not the mainstream script)
LifeBliss soft life means tapping into what truly brings you joy in real life and setting up that joy as a lifestyle on your own terms, with resources you may have overlooked in the past.
Not someday.
Now.
How to Figure Out What You REALLY, Authentically Want in Midlife
Some of us are dreamers and visionaries. We spend hours staring out the window, imagining a beautiful life we would love.
But for most of us? The vision gets shut down before it even starts.
What shuts it down:
- Information overload (articles naming the same ole countries to Blaxit to – Portugal, Thailand, Panama on repeat)
- Outside influence (fear, envy, control from people who mean well but don’t get it)
- Naysayers (“That’s not realistic,” “You can’t afford that,” “What about your career?”)
- Self-doubt (“Who am I to want this?” “Maybe I’m being selfish”)
- Lack of time (too busy hustling to even dream)
- Overwhelm (too many options, too many voices, too much noise)
The result? We never even consider what WE actually want. We just follow the script everyone else is following.
But what if you could focus clearly from the heart and train your mind to see your desires as possible realities instead of just fanciful thinking?
I’ve created an easy (and kinda fun) exercise to do exactly that.
The key: Do these steps in a quiet place, uninterrupted. Even if that means breaking up each step over a few days.
These are the first steps toward clarity on what brings you unapologetic Black joy not as an occasional treat, but every single day of your life.
Ready? Let’s go.
Step 1: Identify Your True-Wants (Not What “They” Say You Should Want)
Uncovering Your Midlife True-Wants
So often, we get caught up in default choices we think will make us ultimately happy. But do they really?
We’ve been taught since birth to seek the “American Dream,” which has now been exposed as a whole scam. But how do we break free and expand our thinking past this mythology toward things that make us smile every day?
True-wants are desires that come from your core essence. Deep down, with no pressure from family, friends, things you USED to want in the past, or other outside influences.
The Exercise:
Make a list of 15-25 of your all-time favorite things. ALL things. Random things. Big things. Small things. Expensive things. Free things.
How to do it:
- List can be written, illustrated, a collage, or a voice memo – whatever works for YOU
- Don’t edit or censor yourself (“That’s too expensive,” “That’s unrealistic,” “That’s silly”)
- Just brain dump everything you love without much contemplation
Examples of “favorite things”:
- The salty smell of the ocean
- Visual arts (without the goal of going pro)
- Snuggling with pets
- Outdoor concerts
- Ladybugs and butterflies
- Windchimes
- Houseplants
- Mumu dresses
- Stargazing
- Porch, yard, deck, or other outdoor home space
- Local festivals and cultural events
- Cooking with fresh herbs from your own garden
- Hiking in nature
- Your private book nook
- Rollerskating
- Wearing bright, fabulous colors
- Having short hair or a bald head
Optional: Sort them into categories (nature, creativity, community, food, movement, etc.) – but only if that helps you see patterns.
The Point: This list reveals what brings YOU joy – with NO judgment.
Step 2: Match Your True-Wants to a Place Where You Can Experience Joy on Any Ordinary Day
Where Can You Experience the Most Joy on an Ordinary Tuesday?
The Exercise:
Review your list and ask: “What place would allow me to experience the LARGEST NUMBER of these favorite things on any given day?”
Key phrase: “On any given day” means not on vacation, not on special occasions. An ORDINARY Tuesday.
Questions to ask:
- What kind of home? (Apartment, house, shared housing, tiny home?)
- What kind of community? (Urban, rural, small town/village, etc.)
- What geography? (Mountains, plains, coast, lake, riverside, etc.)
- What country or region?
- What climate? (Warm year-round, four seasons, tropical?)
Important: Some items on your list can be experienced ANYWHERE (reading, painting, cooking). Focus on the ones that require a specific location (beach access, warm weather, cultural events, etc.).
My Example:
My list included: the ocean, hummingbirds, dancing, windchimes, Black people, surfing, and rich culture… my favorite things attracted me to Trinidad and Tobago.
Your list will lead you somewhere completely different, and that’s the beauty of it.
The Point: Your true-wants reveal where you need to be, not where “everyone” is going (Portugal, Thailand, Panama).
Step 3: Calculate Your Minimum Soft Life Number
How Much Do You Actually Need? (Much More Flexible Than You Think)
The Exercise:
Research the MINIMUM amount you’d need to live reasonably in your identified place.
Key phrase: “Minimum” – understanding you’ll likely need/want more than this, but this is your baseline.
Categories to research:
- Housing: Rent/mortgage (usually the biggest expense)
- Food: Groceries and minimal dining out
- Utilities: Electric, water, internet, phone
- Transportation: Car, gas, public transit, or walking/biking
- Healthcare: Insurance, out-of-pocket costs
- Leisure: Basic entertainment, hobbies
- Personal: Clothing, toiletries, household items
CRITICAL: Acknowledge what’s FREE or LOW-COST in your chosen place:
- Beach access
- Hiking trails
- Community events
- Public healthcare (varies by country)
- Walking/biking
The Point: Soft life doesn’t require millions. It requires knowing YOUR minimum number and how to meet it.
Step 4: Identify ALL Possible Income Sources
How to Fund Your Soft Life (Think Outside the Box)
The Exercise:
Make a list of ALL possible sources of income that could support your minimum life expenses, whether or not you currently have access to them.
Key phrase: “Whether or not you currently have access to them”. This is brainstorming, not limiting.
Possible income sources:
- Current job (full-time, part-time, remote)
- Freelance/consulting
- Business ideas
- Retirement savings
- Social Security
- Property rental income
- Investments
- Remote work
- Gig economy
- Teaching/tutoring
- Creative work
- Passive income
Keep in mind that you may need authorization/work permit to secure employment abroad
Think outside the box:
- Could you work part-time instead of full-time?
- Could you negotiate remote work with your current employer?
- Could you rent out your current home and use that income?
- Could you combine multiple small income streams?
- Could you start a business in your new location?
- Could you consult in your field of expertise?
The Point: You don’t necessarily need ONE big income source. You can combine multiple smaller streams to fund your soft life.
Putting It All Together: Your Soft Life Roadmap
You now have:
✅ Your True-Wants: 15-25 favorite things (what brings YOU joy)
✅ Your Place: Where you can experience the most joy on an ordinary day
✅ Your Minimum Number: How much you actually need (probably less than you think)
✅ Your Income Sources: All possible ways to fund it (think outside the box)
Now you have a clear picture of:
- What YOUR soft life looks like
- A specific place that matches your true-wants
- An idea of budget
- Possible income sources
Next step: Choose ONE income source to explore first and move through your choices to get ideas.
Start researching. Start planning. Start moving toward YOUR soft life.
