Meditation, gratitude journaling and lighting vanilla scented candles are not much more than Instagram fantasies of feigned bliss and ecstasy. Skinny yoga bitches feed us a carefully curated aesthetic that makes for good 30-day challenges but can’t replace the work it takes to create sustainable peace, especially for Black women. It’s not that these things are wrong, as there is no definitive right or wrong or right way to find your own happiness. But, they ignore some ugly realities that need to be faced and dealt with in order to clear the path to the good life. The ugliest reality is that the three biggest (most widespread & successful) scams known to humankind are racism/sexism, Christianity and the American Dream.
These global scams are like a terrifying swimming pool drain nightmare where your hair or clothing are pulled towards and eventually sucked inside real hard, against a violent struggle that is inevitably lost when time runs out. We are sidetracked by the idea that everybody else is going through the same thing so it must not be all that bad. Oh, but yes it is! Falling prey to these scams are so often a guarantee of a life of struggle and unnecessary sacrifice that never pays off in the end. All of the beliefs that keep us small and confined are directly or indirectly born from these three ideologies.
Racism/sexism, Christianity and the American Dream have one thing in common. They were invented to control masses of people for the benefit of a few. They were meant to keep us distracted, hopeless, compliant or numb, so that instead of living our best lives, we toil for the benefit of wealthy white straight men, at our own expense. But while we do, they induce us to believe that we are doing what we are “supposed” to do, with the false hopes of someday, somehow ending up free, happy or in some made-up paradise.
“I found that building my LifeBliss–living with intentional, liberated, heart-centered, unbothered, unapologetic Black Joy, which is like the grown-ass woman version of Carefree Black Girl required a far departure from what we are taught and told, and clarity to make logical choices.” ~LifeBliss Lisa
If you are on a journey to midlife joy and liberation, or are considering it, take this free LifeBliss Joyful Lifestyle Preparation quiz to assess your readiness for the big leap. No email address is required.
Racism/sexism
In antiquity, there was no concept of race. People tended to focus more on tribes and families to categorize themselves and others. Even the slave trade didn’t originally rely on race, it wasn’t until the 1700s when white indentured servants and Black people staged the first rebellion in the American colonies that it was explored. There was a dispute in Virginia regarding the Native Americans. The rebellion was a joining of forces between the white and Black laborers that temporarily overthrew Jamestown and burned it to the ground. When the crown regained control, they created racial divisions as a tool to keep people from ever joining forces again. They gave the white people special privileges and codified permanent enslavement of Black people.
There is no scientific basis for racial division. It was a solely made up concept. Today, this strategy is still effective, keeping the races divided so that poor and middle class people would not be likely to join forces against the hyper capitalist elites who game the system to their own advantage. Over time, systems developed that institutionalized the maltreatment of Black people to such an extent that its effects are still felt today. Housing redlining, unfair lending, unfair labor practices, and disparities in medical care are just a few of the ways that the legacy of racial discrimination continues to hold us back from achieving our dreams.
Sexism rooted in patriarchy developed in ancient times with the transition from hunter-gatherer populations to agrarian lifestyles. Gender equality was the norm in hunterer gatherer societies. As societies transitioned from nomadic lifestyles to settled agricultural communities, kinship ties strengthened. Male relatives began living in proximity, facilitating the inheritance of property through the male line, which diminished female autonomy and established patriarchal norms. The dominance of men in social and cultural systems became tied to rigid gender roles, dictating social norms for behavior deemed acceptable for men and women. The transition from hunter-gatherer communities to agriculture significantly contributed to entrenched patriarchal structures.
How to deal with it: Focus less on attempting to work within these systems of oppression and consider ways to extract yourself from the clutches of them or from relying on being granted acceptance or a seat at the table. Sometimes this will mean to think bigger. Perhaps, instead of competing for jobs that often come with more cons than pros, consider starting your own business to earn a living. It’s scary but plenty of us are out here doing it and doing it well. Surround yourself with supportive people and structures out of the reach of (as much as possible) entities that hold on to these values.
Christianity
Christianity’s most effective tool of coercion is not physical punishment but psychological manipulation through fear and guilt. The historical consolidation of power between church and state laid the groundwork for centuries of religious coercion. Christianity offered not just spiritual guidance but absolute truth, positioning itself as the sole arbiter of morality. To deviate from church doctrine was to invite eternal damnation, which served as a powerful deterrent that kept populations obedient.
How to deal with it: There’s no need to banish your Christian friends and family. This may not even require leaving your religion, although it did for me. At age 12 I knew I did not want to be baptized. I told my mother, expecting backlash not from her, but from others in the extended family. Turns out, it never happened, thank goodness. Many ears later I stumbled upon a different religion that made much more sense to me and I have been believing ever sense. This is despite my disdain for organized religion because the writings focus less on controlling people’s behavior and more on creating a world free of domination and persecution.
Simply being able to recognize when scriptures have been interpreted in ways that are not only not rooted in science, but do not mean to do well by us will free us up to make better decisions regarding our happiness.
The American Dream
The American Dream was never meant for us. Yet, that doesn’t stop it from being used as yet another tool to keep us chasing, conforming and submitting. The American Dream is the vision that anyone, regardless of their birth or social class, can achieve their own version of success was never the truth for anyone, especially not Black women.
So many of us did exactly what we were told: “Work hard, go to college, get a good job, save for retirement so we can retire happily.” “Keep your head down, don’t ruffle any feathers and you’ll progress in your career.” “Get married, have babies, yadda yadda yadda…” you’ll be a success!
And do you know what? That was a whole damn lie. The math ain’t mathin. The American Dream is a weaponized version of hard work equals wishes come true, which, in reality, promotes unsustainable consumerism, materialism, rugged individualism, overwork and burnout all to be exploited by the wealthy elite. All that hard work does not pay because of solvable problems that are not a priority of those who are benefitting from this system of exploitation. They want us to work, work work, for low wages, feel bad about ourselves, buy more shit to feel better, go into debt, and go back to work some more to try to pay that debt. We are dealing with:
- Declining wages
- High cost of education
- Education not yielding profitable careers
- Extreme gap between rich and not rich
- Healthcare bankruptcy
- Housing unaffordability
- Shrinking social safety net
And, if you don’t overcome all of these obstacles, you will be blamed and humiliated, told you’re lazy and ignored.
How to deal with it: Just don’t fall for the hype. Act as if this American bullshit never existed.
Conclusion:
Come down from the Instagram high. Real world happiness isn’t something you can journal or manifest your way into. It’s something you build once you decide to unplug from the illusions that keep you small. The peace you want won’t come from scented candles or whitewashed ideas of “self-care.” It comes from the kind of clarity that cuts through deception and gives you the power to choose differently.
We can free ourselves from that pool drain nightmare before it sucks us too deep by just getting out of this pissy pool. We’ve played by their rules long enough. The systems built to shrink us don’t deserve our compliance or our faith. We don’t need validation, permission, or inclusion in spaces that were never designed for us. Our joy is an act of rebellion. Our success doesn’t have to fit into their capitalist, patriarchal, whitewashed dream. We don’t need to ask to be seen. LifeBliss is our revolution, our refusal, our freedom that doesn’t require anyone else’s approval to be brought to fruition.
